Unveiling Red Flags: Identifying Toxic and Controlling Behaviours in Relationships

By David Reckaty A.

Salve dear readers! What inspires me to wrote about this subject in particular is due to the chat that I had with one of my friends in a restaurant on FaceTime while I was eating my "Homemade Quiche". Please relax. I did not bring a quiche to a restaurant to eat it there. That's the name of the dish I had to order. So, back to the conversation. We were talking about whether or not, the concept of 50/50 in a relationship is good or not. She replied that "As a woman, a man is supposed to be the provider of the house. That if he wants a woman or if he is in pursue to find one, he also supposed to have already the prerequisites. Meaning, a stable life, a job, money and a vision for the future in which he included his partner." "Don't look for someone daughter if you know that you will not be able to meet her needs" she adds. Following her point of view, kind of fair and understandable I thought.

When the call ended, a male customer next to me whispered something under his breath. I asked him if everything was okay because I literally thought that maybe he was trying to talk to me. He replied ''yes'' and take this advantage to introduce himself. I was able to guess by his look that maybe he was in his mid-twenties like me, or maybe more. He apologised to the fact that he unintentionally heard the little talk I had with my friend. It did not bother me at all. In fact, as a person who like to communicate, I saw this has an opportunity to ask for his own point of view on the concept of 50/50 in a relationship. He said "I maybe don't know your friend, but I totally agree with what she said. A man is supposed to be the king of the house". Yes, you read it right. But where is the castle? I thought. He kept going by saying that "My future wife is supposed to be at the house that I bought and taking care of my children". Notice how he used the pronoun "I" instead of the determiner "Our"? Red flag detected!!! I even asked him (I wanted so much to know) that if his wife tend to perceive more money that him by doing what she loves would it be a problem to him. Obviously, he responded that "Yes. A woman will no more respect you if she gains more money than you". I uplift the fact that as her partner, you normally supposed to be her protector, adviser and the one who encourages her to pursue her dreams and not to be a threat to her success and happiness. He said in resume that it's the way things are meant to be. Took his last shot and left. What I learned during this little conversation, is that we all can look like young and respectful adults in the outside but the inside needs to be updated and actualised at all costs. If our thoughts or conceptions of life have been corrupted by bad influences or bad environment, well our relations with people will be sadly impacted.

For me, a healthy relationship is meant to be nurturing, supportive, and empowering. However, some are marred by toxicity and control, where one partner exhibits harmful behaviours that undermine the well-being of the other.

I read a lot of articles talking about "A and B" are divorcing because of bad behaviours or lack of communication or even less understanding. After each read, I'm asking myself these questions: "Didn't you notice the signals? Were you that in love? Or maybe your partner was so good in the sex department that it veiled your vision and judgment?". But that, will be the subject for another post.

You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his destiny. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love... The love that speaks the language of the world. - The Alchemist.

We need to know that recognizing the warning signs, or red flags, is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. In this article, we will explore some common indicators of toxic and controlling behaviours in a partner.

Excessive Jealousy

A healthy relationship is built on trust, but excessive jealousy can signal insecurity and control issues. If your partner constantly questions your every move, monitors your activities, or becomes irrationally jealous of your interactions with others, it may be a warning sign of a controlling dynamic.

Isolation Tactics

Controlling individuals often seek to isolate their partners from friends and family. If your partner discourages or prevents you from spending time with loved ones, it can be a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. Isolation is a tool used to gain control over a person's support system, leaving them vulnerable and dependent.

Constant Criticism

Constructive feedback is a part of any relationship, but constant criticism aimed at belittling and demeaning is a red flag. If your partner consistently undermines your self-esteem, ridicules your choices, or disparages your abilities, it's indicative of a toxic pattern that can erode your confidence over time.

Manipulative Behaviour

Manipulation can take various forms, including guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional blackmail. A controlling partner may use manipulation to bend situations to their advantage, making it challenging for the other person to express their feelings or needs freely.

Lack of Respect for Boundaries

Respecting each other's boundaries is crucial in a healthy relationship. If your partner consistently disregards your boundaries, whether physical, emotional, or personal, and insists on having control over every aspect of your life, it's a clear warning sign of a controlling nature.

Financial Control

Control can extend into financial aspects of a relationship. If your partner exercises complete control over finances, limiting your access to money, monitoring your spending, or pressuring you into financial decisions, it can lead to a power imbalance and emotional dependency.

It's important to trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. If you notice these warning signs, consider seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors. Identifying and addressing toxic behaviours early can pave the way for a healthier and more fulfilling connection. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship that fosters growth, happiness, and emotional well-being. You deserved.